~ cornfields ~
Day One of my VACATION was wonderful. Thursday evening, Josh and I celebrated by going swimming at Barclay Bay right when I got off work. I was rather disappointed by the lack of water in left in the Bay from the dam and could not jump off of my normal jumping off spot because the water was a good thirty feet below my preferece. Also, the water was cold, too cold, and unfortunately, by "swimming" I mean that Josh and I acted like big weiners as we inched our way into the water. I made it down to my waist when I decided that it wasn't worth it. Josh was the brave one and fully submerged himself. I occupied myself by snapping some photos of the brave man. Soon after that, we decided to go swimming in the pool at Josh's apartment complex. And there we had a grand time splish splashing around!
Friday morning, we met up for coffee at the Flying M and had our Saturday morning on Friday. We then wandered around downtown. I pondered some expensive footwear and some expensive jeans, being most interested in the former which were on sale. Josh pondered eyewear. We decided to have lunch someplace where we had never before lunched, which was a difficult decision as we have mostly exhausted our downtown possibilities. Finally, we remembered The Milky Way which I can't believe I have never been to before. It was wonderful!
Then we got all organized and headed out on a road bike ride. We drove past Caldwell, parked the car on Weitz Road, and rode along the zig zagged Boise River Road. Weitz wasn't very great, especially since it has just been chipsealed, but once we got onto the Boise River Road section, it was great. We were riding through all of these different farmlands, cornfields, hopsfields, mintfields, and maybe some people don't understand the aesthetic beauty of these areas, but I found them quite lovely. Also, the day was not too hot - - the stars must be aligned perfectly on my vacation, for the temperatures are only supposed to be in the 80's during this time, which is WONDERFUL.
WARNING: The next paragraph contains details on something very GROSS. Depending on your sensitivity, you might want to skip to the following paragraph or refrain from eating and drinking.
There we were, about ten miles into our ride, when all of a sudden I get a little rumbly in my tumbly. I patted my stomach and said to Josh, "...hrm, all of a sudden, my stomach feels a bit off." About ten seconds later, I realize that I am experiencing MASSIVE gastro-intestinal distress and that I needed a restroom IMMEDIATELY. Which was convenient, considering that we were MILES and MILES from civilization. It was the sort of pre-diarrhea GI pain that sent me into excruciating paralysis. And I found that the actions involved in riding my bike and riding up and over little humps and bumps in the road only served to aggravate my symptoms. I litterally thought that I was going to shit myself. And I was so upset about this, unless you have experienced something similar, you have no idea what kind of stress and anxiety I was having. Josh, being a big map person and having a good sense of distance and direction, was certain that there was a town a few miles up the road, IF ONLY I COULD WAIT UNTIL THEN. And I wasn't sure that I could, but I wasn't fond of the alternatives. One alternative, shitting my shorts, wasn't appealing for a variety of reasons, including the fact that I didn't want to ruin my brand new grey cycling shorts. The other alternative, shitting in the cornfields, also was not appealing. I gave careful consideration to that alternative, however, as it was an incredibly desparate situation. As I was imagining the logistics of that alternative, I became overwhelmed with anxiety as I was imagining the possibility of a corn farmer CATCHING ME IN THE ACT of having explosive diarrhea on his cornfields, and I wasn't sure that I could survive such embarrasment. Additionally, it took me a bit of time before I realized, apparently I wasn't in my proper intellectual state, what with the serious diarrhea situation on my hands, that cornfields grow FOOD that humans including myself EAT. And I was having difficulty with the ethics of causing diarrhea to be on these fields. Sure, perhaps there's plenty of other types of crap on the fields, and pesticides, and the corn is high up in the air and engulfed in husks, so maybe my diarrhea would not have damaged that crop, but I wondered if I would ever be able to enjoy the taste and texture of corn again if I went diarrhea on a cornfield. SO CLEARLY, that alternative ceased to be an option for me. Which implied that if I did not find a restroom soon, I would return to option number one. FINALLY, we arrived at the town of Roswell, a town so small that I couldn't find any information on it in the US Census Data website. It was about two blocks long and I did not have much hope that there was a public restroom available. There was, however, a single convenience store and the relief that began to spring into my heart was palpable as I realized that it was open, despite the outward appearance. I threw the door open and calmly asked if they had a public restoom. At hearing the affirmative, I RAN AS FAST AS I COULD, and it was wonderful. Actually, it wasn't entirely wonderful because as I was struggling to lock the door, I noticed that there was a big gap in the door allowing all kinds of noise and airflow directly into the shop, so I was a bit self-conscious about the obviousness of my emergency, but as they say, beggars can't be choosers, and it wasn't really the time and place to be upset that the people in the shop might know that I was having a catastrophic diarrhea emergency. Afterwards, I was a bit hesitant to get too far away from the only known restroom for miles and miles, so I suggested that we take a bit of a break and have a snack from the shop. I ate a bag of Cheetos, which probably wan't the best thing for my stomach, but wow, I sure enjoyed them! Before we left Roswell to continue our ride, I contemplated stealing an entire roll of toilet paper from the convenience store, because they did not sell anything portable, and I almost offered the store clerk a dollar for a roll, but didn't think that I had room in my jersey pocket to carry it. Josh ended up swiping several squares of tissue just in case. And so we continued our ride...
The rest of the ride was wonderful. I was feeling like an entirely new woman, between that and my knee being fully functioning, I kept exclaiming about how great I felt. We rode up onto a plateau and had great fun on some rolling hills. One of the rolling hills I got a bit freaked out on as I approached what appeared to be a crazy steep drop off before me, with the bottom not visible because it was so steep, but it was loads of fun! We did have a couple of run-ins with some dogs trying to chase us - - seriously, I do not approve of these rural folk not restricting their viscious dogs' ability to chase unsuspecting cyclists. Another wonderful aspect of the ride was the fact that, despite being in goathead and thorn territory, we did not have a single flat tire.
That evening, we went swimming at the pool again, and I felt so relaxed and wonderful.