~ joy of cooking, my ass ~

This evening, Josh and I discussed how cooking can really be such a waste of time. And how we should give up trying anymore and just go for some microwavable burritos.

BACKSTORY

This past Saturday, I spent most of the day in anticipation of a holiday potluck among friends. For the potluck bit, I cuddled up with my library of cookbooks and selected an item that sounded delicious and appropriate for a holiday potluck. Specifically, I chose an apple onion cheese gratin from one of my Moosewood cookbooks.

So, I actually do like to cook. But I like to cook my own way, which normally involves only a cursory attention to the recipe. Interestingly, my methodology for cooking mirrors that of my knitting - - using the recipe/pattern as a guide and then making it my own. As with knitting, this manner of cooking can occasionally not work out.

Josh also likes to cook and he was excited about a recipe that he had selected from my edition of the Joy of Cooking: ginger molasses cookies. The methodology that Josh employs in his style of cooking, however, is the opposite of mine and is a small source of contention and mockery between the two of us. Namely, he rigidly follows the recipes.

Despite our incompatible cooking styles, we manage to get along fine in other aspects of life.

ANYWAY, a few hours before the potluck, Josh and I went to the grocery store to gather items for our respective recipes. It was during the drive home that the evening took a turn for the worse... As I navigated the car through our neighborhood, I became aware of a grumbly in my tummy. After a session in the restroom, I found that the grumblies were increasing and making my existence very uncomfortable. I managed to slice up the apples just fine, but became severely nauseous while slicing the onions. Josh offered to grate the cheese so that I could lie down for a while. A while came and went and I was in no condition to attend a potluck, let alone position my person in any way other than remaining perfectly still on my bed. Josh went to the potluck as one. Neither myself nor his ginger molasses cookies were "up" for a potluck, the latter lacked a necessary ingredient.

It turned out that I had a contagious 24 hour stomach virus-thing. I spent all evening on Saturday, and until about 7pm on Sunday feeling MISERABLE. On Monday, Josh came home from work with the exact same symptoms that I had experienced.

THE PLOT THICKENS... or does it?

As of this writing, it is Tuesday and the sliced apples and onions, diced walnuts and grated cheese have been sitting in the refrigerator since Saturday when I gave up on life. Now that I can look at food without wanting to vomit, I've decided to finalize my dish.

Part of my frustration with "cooking" and "recipes" is that I am a novice. After work today, I whipped out all of the ingredients and the recipe and got to work on preparing what I hoped would be a delicious meal. In reading the recipe, there was an elusive set of instructions about "scalding milk" and continually whisking it with butter and flower until it thickened. Whatever. Sure, I don't have a clue how to "scald milk" nor do I understand its benefits in the cooking process, but I determined that was an unnecessary component to the recipe, so I merely added milk, flour, and butter to a pan and whisked away. Whisk, whisk, whisk. I continued to whisk for what seemed like HOURS with no discernible thickening before exclaiming to Josh, "What a waste of time!"

We then discussed how I would not be a good candidate for a cooking show.

Whisk, whisk, whisk.

Eventually, the sauce did thicken. And instead of following the recipe about drizzling the sauce over all of the ingredients once they were in the baking dish, I determined the better method was to first add brown sugar and then mix it all together before adding to the baking dish.

CONCLUSION

Apples, onions, walnuts, gruyere cheese, milk, flour, butter, nutmeg, cloves, salt, and my secret ingredient brown sugar. But really, wouldn't microwavable burritos have been better?

Posted by jennifer at 6:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)