June 27, 2006
~ The Heat is On ~
It must be two hundred degrees. The heat kept me awake last night, gave me heat exhaustion this weekend, and is preventing me from doing that which I want to do. On Saturday, I had had plans to go on a road ride with my new friend with whom I share a given name, but she seemed to think that it was too hot to ride. So I went alone. I was about seven miles out when I realized that my front tire was not adequately pressurized. I was unable to determine the cause of the lack of pressure, so I pumped it up and continued to ride. A few miles later, I realized it was low again. I rode until I located a shady area to sit and change tubes. This process was tiring for me, as I barely have the strength in my arms to utilize my portable bike pump to inflate a tube to 80psi. But I completed the task and continued my loop. By the time that I had hit the halfway point, at which I turn back, I was surprisingly worn out and ready to be done. Which was handy, because I had a good fifteen miles to ride home. I was miserable. It was so hot that I felt that I would collapse and I drank all of my two water bottles well before I was done. But I made it home after what seemed like a forever amount of time and survived.
Anyway, I've been spending a ridiculous amount of time all by my lonesome. For my birthday, I bought myself two knitting books which have been providing me with inspiration for the act of knitting. I am over halfway through with a pair of appendage warmers that I am knitting in a cheap Red Heart variegated yarn. With them, I intend to warm my arms in a fugly sort of wooly way. And by "wooly", I mean "acrylic".
Last night, I spent a good hour and a half reading celebrity magazines at my own personal library. I flipped through about four magazines, fascinated. By the end of my intellectual experience, however, I determined that it wasn't the best use of my time. I surmised this based on the fact that in each of the magazines, I found the exact same photographs and gossip of celebrities. Which means that each time that I cracked open a magazine, hoping for new information, it was merely the same old same old. Pity. Granted, the focus in some of the "articles" was different..for example, in one magazine, I read a detailed comparison and contrast of celebrity tanning techniques. And in another, I perused an article about attractive bikini beach posture. You know, cutting edge information that I need to know.
June 22, 2006
~ Mind on Marriage ~
Despite the Vision that I have for my blog, I have decided to spend some time articulating summaries of conversations and thoughts that I've been having about marriage for the past few weeks. The individuals with whom (or about) I have had discussions, and those discussions in and of themselves, span a variation that provides interesting blog fodder outside of my own commentary. ...
Unnamed Woman Exhibit A who offended me terribly by saying, "When is Josh going to make a respectable woman out of you?"
Unnamed Heterosexual Couple Exhibit B who are going to use marriage like they would a discount coupon.
Unnamed Divorced Woman Exhibit C who has provided me with the advice, "Never get married because of your heart. And only get married if you have a water-tight prenup."
Unnamed Same-Sex Couple Exhibit D who had to move to another state for their relationship to be legally recognized.
Unnamed Boyfriend Exhibit E who has said bluntly, "Why can't people be more independent? If I get into financial trouble, it's not anyone's concern but my own."
Unnamed Coworker of Unnamed Boyfriend Exhibit F who summarized his reasons for getting married, "It's just what you do."
Unnamed Happily Married Couples Exhibit G who have beautiful weddings and seemingly-problem free marriages.
I have never been on of "those people" who has ever wanted to get married. I haven't always been particularly opposed to marriage, but never once have I dreamed of walking down the aisle or living happily ever after. My apathy towards marriage may have roots in the fact that I wasn't raised with a glorified perspective on marriage. My parents were married at City Hall with two witnesses and, as far as my knowledge goes, had no pomp and ceremony, not even the snapping of a photograph. I have spent the majority of my life not giving the concept of marriage much thought. And never in my entire life, when I envisioned my future, did that "future" contain a wedding ring, not even as an afterthought.
So then there's me being thrown into the concept that I am an adult. And while I have embraced all of my adultish responsibilities with joy and pride, I still choke on my cereal when my peers announce their engagement. My initial reaction being, "But you're so young...you've got the rest of your life ahead of you." That's me...noncommittal. As I was discussing with Exhibit B, I guess there is some logic to marriage if you have no intention of dumping your partner and you want to get some nifty financial discounts...you know, playing the system. But my gut still rejects the idea of being legally bound to another person.
Which brings me to my lengthy discussion yesterday with Exhibit C who detailed all of the ways in which she was completely screwed over in her divorce. Unknown to her until the divorce, her ex-husband had over $44,000 in credit card debt (the monthly interest alone was over $1,200) and because they were married, she was responsible for that debt, which she paid off by liquidating her retirement funds. She reminded me of the necessity to always take care of oneself...numero uno. Which is obvious, but under the guise of a relationship, it is possible to loose sight of that.
So, money. It seems to be an important ingredient in marriage and also factors into all relationships outside of marriage. Exhibit B wanting to get married to save money, Exhibit C losing all of her money because she was married. And me...even though I have no legal ties with my boyfriend, Exhibit E, I regularly have anxiety when I worry about his financial woes. But as he indicated, it really isn't my business. Several months ago, my Unnamed Friend Amy provided me with some wisdom that I would like to share: "Money seems to be one of the things that couples tend to argue about the most." Let us pause to reflect in the sagacity of that thought...
So, money. Aside from the wanting to have a nuclear family thing, the wanting to visit your partner in the hospital thing, and stuff of that nature, marriage seems to be very much a financial arrangement between two people and the State. With it there are financial perks and responsibilities. Even if a couple has seperate bank accounts, the financial link is present. I know couples who launch into horrible arguments about whether to buy organic tomatoes versus their cheaper non-organic counterpart. If that kind of argument can arise from such a "small" matter, what's going to happen when something big comes up?
This is not to say that I don't tear up every time that I attend a friend's wedding or that I don't think it would be nice to "have someone to come home to". The fact of the matter is that my Unnamed Boyfriend's point about the need for independence is right. Presently, I feel it is essential to maintain my own identity with the advent of what has become known as "Joshifer." Are you aware, for example, that when we receive invitations to parties, that those invitations frequently inventory us as one unit? While it is true that we spend a good amount of time together, that we are connected in more ways than one (most publicly evidenced with the tandem bicycle), and that we are users of the term "we", I feel that if there was some piece of paper that legally bound us my claustrophobia would rear its ugly head.
Then there are all of my happily married friends who, aside from their nice piece of jewelry and their use of the term "spouse", haven't warped into these married monsters who try to kill each other for the insurance money. This forces me to wonder why I'm having such a cow about this.
Last night I stayed up late filling out the forms to begin investing for my retirement. While I have never had dreams of my wedding day, I have certainly always envisioned a future ending with a nice retirement. Until that time when I make more money, my 403(b) is going to short me about $65 a month. This is $65 which might otherwise go towards "Joshifer" fun, but considering the importance of numero uno and how my parents instilled in me the importance of financial responsibility, I felt good and independent getting this done.
June 17, 2006
~ Friday Night Paparazzi ~
With the acquisition of my camera, I have become a pesky paparazzi. The other day, I was snapping photos of my dog Chancy, despite his pleas, as evidenced by his low-positioned ears, to stop. I haven't had much spare time to devote to blathering about my adventures. It seems that I prefer to spend my time having the adventures rather than writing about them. Below are some brief descriptions of things that I have done which involved the taking of pictures. Please find the corresponding flickr sets linked to the photos. Besides these three items, which are really not all that fascinating, I have been reading a lot of old science fiction short stories, have refound my desire to knit (currently, am knitting a pair of schwanky arm warmers), and have been doing a lot of wandering around enjoying being alive.
Several weekends ago, I went miniature golfing with Sara, Kelly, and Josh. It was on one of those weekends, actually a Monday, which was a holiday and all of the establishments which I normally hang out at were closed. Rather than sitting around being bored off my rocker, I joined the mini golfing fun. Hoot hoot! We went out to Boondocks which I had never been to before, and probably will never again. It was pretty much what I had expected, all these years of driving by the place adjacent to the freeway....tons and tons of suburban families with way too many children running amuck. Near the end of our first round of 18-holes, we skipped the 18th hole and had a second round for free. Just us sticking it to the man, you know. On our illegitimate round of 18 holes, we were accosted by a man who takes the sport of miniature golfing way too seriously, who commanded us to putt-putt at a faster rate. Since I am such a spong and absorb everything around me, this affected me greatly and pretty much ruined my ability to have fun. I spent the duration of the minigolfing experience fantasizing about actually verballizing my retort to his assholishness.
Then there was the night of my birthday, a few weeks ago, when I gathered with some friends, a sibling, and our lovers for an exchange of tasteful greeting cards and alcoholic beverages. You know that the evening was quality based upon the lengthy conversation about Star Trek: the Next Generation that we all participated in with an excess of passion. It's funny when you think that you're a crazed trekkie and then you discover a friend and sibling who beats your trekkienitude 10:1. People were buying me drinks left and right and I got drunketty-drunk. Ahh...duck farts.
Last night, I went to see the film Nacho Libre at a locally owned theater. I left before it was over due to the eighteen pre-teen boys sitting directly behind me having all kinds of conversations while kicking the back of my seat. Because of them, I was unable to even begin to imerse myself into the film, however, I was able to determine that the film was not the greatest cup of tea. I mean, I laughed at the very first fart joke, but the four others I didn't find so funny. Then there was the smearing poo across a character's face that kinda grossed me out. Then there was the fact that an hour and a half into the film, I was still wondering when the plot was going to develop. Afterwards, Josh and I decided to wander around town and play paparazzi. We wandered into some shops, walked down by the river, pretended to be celebrities who didn't want their photos taken, and then rode the elevator to the top of a parking garage to watch the sun set. Afterwards, we went to the Neurolux and intoxicated ourselves with friends Laura, Alisha, Devlyn, and Kyle. I sat with the ladies and we discussed pregnancy and single motherhood, while Josh sat with his partner in male gender and had all kinds of philosophical discussions.
June 12, 2006
Corner of Floating Feather & Linder
After spending over an hour at the bike shop yesterday morning procuring for myself some bike flat repair accessories & skills, I went on my longest solo road ride to date. Thusfar, I've only gone on short solo road rides, as I try to become accustomed to an entirely new bicycle riding experience. The bicycle is much different than anything I've ever ridden, that it's taken me about three rides to feel comfortable. Also, I'm still traumatised by Josh being hit by a truck on my first road biking experience, so I haven't felt confident about branching out very much. Josh is still out-of-service which has meant that I am alone on bicycling adventures. What is more, on Saturday, I went on a short mountain bike ride and broke off the derailer on my mountain bike. That was something of an adventure trying to test out my utter lack of mechanical abilities. At least I wasn't "very far" from home. Something that became apparent to me while I was walking my broken bicycle down the mountain and towards my home was how very very slow the act of walking compared to biking is. At the bottom of the mountain, a friendly mountain biker dude stopped to try to help me, but his efforts failed. I had a brilliant idea which I gained from perusing one of Josh's history of bicycles books...I used an arm warmer to tie the broken derailer against the frame (so that it wouldn't swing into the spokes), lowered my seat all of the way, clipped one foot into the peddle and held it away from the other leg, and utilized my free leg to push the bike along. This proved to be WAY faster than walking, and much less anoying. And even kinda fun, albeit very silly. SO, with that derailer broken, I had no choice but to go on a road ride yesterday to satiate my bicycling desires.
I'm not sure on how many miles I rode. I think it must have been between 25 and 30. And it was without any breaks and by the time that I was done, I felt that I could have kept riding. I road out Hill Road and then went up Old Horseshoe Bend Road to the end where it merged into a windy climb through some farm houses. When I got to the top of that, I road back down it and went out Floating Feather, past Highway 55, past Eagle Road, past Beacon Light, until I got to a road called Ballentine, which I took a right on and road all the way until Homer, then took Homer to Linder, and made a loop back to Floating Feather.
I was particularly aware of how much faster I was able to ride on my road bike. This is apparently an obvious feature of road bikes that everyone knew about except for me. What is more, I was able to spend the duration of the ride thinking about all of those important topics which have been on my mind recently. By contrast, with mountain biking, all of my energy is focused on mountain biking. Yet it was an almost meditative experience on the road bike. Plus, how satisfying to cover such distance! I also felt that my energy expenditure was streamlined and that my groove more balanced and grounded. I understand now the appeal of road biking...
June 5, 2006
My Birthday!
"I chose this road because it was the safest for us." - - Josh, 2006.
Today I am celebrating another revolution about the sun. I do this after a weekend of ups and downs, mainly ups, a big down, and no dull experiences.
Saturday was fantastic. I got up early and met Josh for coffee before he had to do to work. After he left, I had a quality journal-writing experience and then wandered home where I went on a cleaning rampage. Some time before the noon hour, I walked to the downtown music store to do some research on some musical groups. Then I walked to Satchel's for some lunch. While I ate, I read a story from my science fiction anthology of 1981. It was about a distant time in the future when humans have achieved immortality, but the immortality had to come at the price of losing their need to be immortal...losing the ability to be creative. A few hours later, I went to the Art Museum with Devlyn and afterwards we enjoyed some beverages on the patio of Gernika, where Sara later joined us. That evening I played a hardcore version of badmitten ("smashmitten") with Josh at the Fort Boise Community Center.
The next day, I met Josh for coffee at our favorite coffee shop. By the time that I arrived, he was waiting out front for me. I noticed that his bicycle was propped against a pole unlocked. "Why is your bike unlocked?" I asked. "Because I'm using it to lock up another bike," he responded. Jumping the gun, I assumed that he was referring to a birthday gift for me. I was standing next to the tree to which I always lock my bike and saw an ugly crap cruiser locked to it. Mockingly, I gestured to the ugly bike and said with a big smile, "Is this for me?" Almost laughing, Josh came over to me and the ugly bike and said, "Yes, do you like it?" I fingered the torn grips and stroked the chipped paint and said, "It's beautiful." Then Josh said, "Seriously, do you see a cool bike anywhere around us?" And I scanned the area, and off in the distance, I saw a beautiful white glow shimmering in the sunlight. And it was the most beautiful bike in the world.
After we had coffee, we drove out to the Sawtooths to go on my very first road ride. Josh decided that we would go riding on what he considered to be the safest road for us. It was a long open stretch, with a wide shoulder, and no turns with blind corners. Plus, the Sawtooths are amazing. It was beautiful and so much fun. I've never ridden a road bike before so it was quite the experience for me. I was kinda wobbly, but glowing about riding such a beautiful bicycle. Ultimately, we rode about 30 miles.
At some point nearing the last 10 miles of our ride, we were struck by an unfortunate incident. I was riding behind Josh, in his draft, and after getting some energy back, decided to pass him and take the lead. I looked back to verify that there was no motorized vehicle that was going to hit me. I saw one far off in the distance and determined that it was safe for me to pass Josh. About two minutes after passing Josh, that vehicle that I had seen, a large utility truck, sped past me, less than five inches away from my person, clearly having crossed the white line. My life flashed before my eyes and I screamed. I also heard Josh scream. I turned my head and looked back. I saw Josh lying in the gravel along the side of the road. I realized that he had been sizeswiped by the truck and I had a heart attack. I pulled my bike over, unclipped my feet from the peddles, and ran over to him. His bike was off to the side a few feet away, his belongings were strewn everywhere, and he was propped in an awkward position. He was saying that he was alright and I was panicking over all of the blood. His legs and arms were all scrapped up and his hip and left buttock looked like they had been shredded by a cheese slicer. Here is an unpleasant photo of his road rash. Don't say I didn't warn you.
The truck had stopped and a very old man came over to ask if Josh was okay. Josh asked the man how he couldn't have seen us, "I chose this road because it was the safest for us." The man just said he was sorry. I noticed that one of Josh's leses for his glasses was right next to my shoe and I picked it up and began hunting around for the rest of his glasses, which were conveniently the same color as the gravel. I asked the old man twice to give us a ride to our car and he said that he would have to reload the equipment in his truck, indicating that it would be a hassle for him to provide us with such assistance. As I was gathering Josh's belongings which were strewn everywhere, the old man gave Josh $50. Josh said, "Well, thanks but these cycling shorts were $80 and it's going to cost me over $100 to replace my helmet." The man shrugged as if it wasn't his problem and walked to his truck. I was still in a state of shock and wasn't understanding where he thought he was going. As I saw him start up his truck, I made a point of memorizing his lisence plate.
Josh and I then had to ride 11 miles to get to the car. To me, it seemed like a million miles. I felt so shaky on the bike, because I was still not used to riding a road bike but also, you know, because my boyfriend had just been hit by a truck. When we got to the car, I drove us to Stanley, where I purchased a variety of items for his injuries (hydrogen peroxide, non-stick gauze, a spray-on bandage thing, etc.) and while Josh cleaned his wounds, I called the police. We spent an hour making our police report, which was probably pointless because other than filling out some forms, I doubt that anything will be done about it.
We decided to drive over to Red Fish Lake to have dinner at the Lodge. We wandered along the beach, sat on the dock, admired the scenery, used the $50 the old man gave Josh to buy dinner, goofed off in the gift shop, and then drove back to Boise.
I've had constant anxiety since 1:45 yesterday because I keep replaying everything in my head. I've got all kinds of thoughts, anger, anxiety, that just won't go away. My stomach is in knots over this. I haven't spoken to Josh yet today to find out how he's feeling, but it can't be good. Anyway, today is my 26th birthday.
